we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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