i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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