How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
