butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
