well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
