I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
