i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
