you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
