I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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