I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
