Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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