I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
