I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
