just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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