dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
