I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
