and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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