I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize