I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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