hotel room ftw
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
