you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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