every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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