"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
