pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize