I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
