I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
