I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
