I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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