im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize