when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
