If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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