I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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