What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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