sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
