So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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