i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize