I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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