I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
