I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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