I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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