Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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