we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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