I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
