I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
God I need to hump something, right now.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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