I smell stomach acid.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
