Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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