We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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