JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
