well you can't waste a boner
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
