I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
