my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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