Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
