thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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