Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
