I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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