If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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