just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
