I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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