oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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