Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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