i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
