Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
