We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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