I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
