I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
