do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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