No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Someone shit on the floor
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
