You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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