One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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