You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
So. Much. Porn.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
