We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
