By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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