it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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