Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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