My friends, they love my intelligence
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm at about main and main street
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
