Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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