I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
