I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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