i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
