I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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