the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize