3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
