we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
