Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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