I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
