I hate all girls vehemently.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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