I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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