Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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