I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she peed on how many people?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
