Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
