I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize