Already got asked if we're dating
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
