You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
