Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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